Class is in session

back with a vengeance

2006-03-22T17:57:00.000-08:00

so, it's been a long time. i think my last post was me saying that i wasn't going to be teaching next year. so much has changed.

i will be teaching next year. i realized that for many reasons it would not be wise for me to give up a stable position that sufficiently supports myself and my family and that i do actually care about. my new plan is to diversify.

in the coming year i'll be taking more certification tests. specifically for: ELA 4-8, ELA 8-12, Reading Specialist, and Librarian. this way, when my current job moves from a resource classroom to a co-teaching situation i'll be able to get a job in which i can maintain my own classroom or leave the classroom for a library. longterm i would like to pursue a Master's in Information Science and become a full-fledged librarian.

this is all subject to change, of course.

i do have some more shortterm issues that i'd like to throw out there for anyone still reading besides the spambots.

i have hopes to bring Mix It Up Day to my campus. ideally i would like to start and help facilitate some kind of diversity club. this would be a safe space for students to discuss issues of discrimination, bullying, and differences. but i have no clue where to start. has anyone done anything like this?

2005-12-20T06:23:00.000-08:00

to those of you that still check back in, i apologize for my silence. i haven't had it in me to post lately. largely, this is due to my decision to leave the teaching profession at the end of this school year. i'll be returning to school for a master's in social work with a possible second degree in pastoral counseling.

there are a lot of reasons for this. nclb is one of them. it kills me to see my kids fall through the cracks. it kills me that their success at school hinges more and more on a test. but there are other reasons. the school i am currently working at is too far away from my home to continue that drive regularly, and i can't imagine working anywhere else. the principal and other teachers and paraprofessionals are amazing to work with. and frankly, teaching was never my dream career. i made a decision based on job availability, security, and an early start date. i'm not made to be "on" all the time as is necessary being a teacher. i need to be able to shut my door and work alone.

knowing that this is the decision i am making has actually made the year easier. i feel less pressure to do all of the necessary TAKS teaching. of course my students are getting it but we're having fun with it. i put the "writing for social change" project on the backburner because we need to focus more on reading right now. so i've got the beginnings of a great unit involving charlie and the chocolate factory ending in a comparison of the book and the latest version of the movie. i'm admittedly nervous about taking on an entire book unit with my kids but i think it will be worth it. they have never done anything like this in all of their school years so they need to learn it on some level.

i am sharing my classroom with the esl teacher and we've been sharing a lot of ideas lately. one thing she did to finish the semester was have her students write a book of short stories. they chose fantasy and they workshopped the stories and published them and she had the books bound. i think that would be a great way to end the year so i'm keeping it in mind.

right now i'm trying to enjoy a relaxing winter break and get some planning done.

where have i been and where am i going?

2005-10-24T08:12:00.000-07:00

i've been trying to make it through work and figure out if this is something i can continue doing. i mean, i'm glad i stuck it out a second year because i can see a huuuuuge difference in myself as a teacher. there are days when i totally hit my stride and i feel like i'm making a difference. there are other days that i want to throw my hands up and walk out because i'm taking on a seemingly impossible task.

the past 2 weeks were spent doing a project on the library research process. it was cool, the kids were into it, and i think they may have learned something. i know that i learned something. i learned that projects are good. projects in which the kids have control over a significant part of it are even better. so of course my wheels have been turning in my brain.

today i'm at home. i needed to take a personal day. october spells burnout for me. but i'm not completely shunning work today. here i am, writing about it. i have to flesh out this idea that i've had going in my brain that i want to attack after the winter break.

students are going to identify something they would like to see change in their school, in their town, in their state....you see where i'm going i hope? it can be a little thing or a big one. they'll go about changing it.

i'm working in the persuasive essay, research, supporting details and main idea.
there will be letter writing, interviews when feasible, and depending on the things they choose we could work some guest speakers in.

i would like the kids to be working in groups of some kind. i haven't figured out whether that would be one whole class as a group or groups of 3 or 4.

my goal in this project is to teach them the curriculum in a way that doesn't seem totally divorced from real life. the kids i'm working with need skills that they can carry into the real world. after a good talk with my principal and a better one with my department chair i feel confident in taking this on.

i had thought this summer that i could do a zine project with my kids and i'm thinking that i could tie that in and we would attack the whole publishing process that way.

i'm really excited. i just need to figure out where to begin.

fed up

2005-09-20T19:04:00.000-07:00

i suppose i should be talking about how wonderful my second year is going. i wish i was posting just that. i wonder what my role is here in this blog. i've kept private journals both on paper and online so i've never worried too much about what my purpose was other than to express my feelings. so i'm going to go with that instinct.

i find myself questioning daily whether or not teaching is for me. or maybe it is teaching special ed. i don't know. there are so many things that i feel "get in the way" of me doing what i want to in the classroom. primarily there is NCLB. as educators we are being told not to think about what each child needs but to focus more on teaching a test. because we are doing just that. we can't get by teaching critical thinking skills, writing skills, etc. we must do so in a way that ensures success on a standardized test.

so i have a question. i'm opening it up to the educators out there as well as those that are reading for other reasons.

we are taught in education classes that there are different kinds of learners. oral, visual, kinesthetic. this isn't some kind of wacky "theory" either. i feel certain that it has been proven. i look at the people i know and i see different types of learners. so why are we expecting all types of learners to be the same kind of tester as the next person? why aren't we giving students the opportunity to demonstrate their knowledge in a variety of ways?

i'm going to spend this year being the best damn teacher i can be. i just can't promise i'll be returning for more next year.

but i will update more often in this space while i work it out. i promise.

what to even say?

2005-09-03T13:32:00.000-07:00

there are no words for the devastation hitting my fellow Americans one and two states away. i anticipate getting students as a result of the hurricane and the destruction following its path.

there are so many places your money and time will be appreciated.

i leave you with these words:

In the often and rightly quoted words of Bill Clinton, "There's nothing wrong with America that can't be fixed by what's right with America." We see now how individuals and groups around the country are acting in any way they can to help their fellow citizens in Louisiana, Mississippi and other devastated places near the Gulf of Mexico. They refuse to stand idly by and wait for President Bush and his morally-bankrupt, pirate administration to respond in an appropriately urgent and compassionate manner to the escalating agony and desperation of our fellow citizens. This agony and desperation was caused in large part by a near complete absence of adequate federal government funding, preparedness, and leadership. We the people will continue to help Americans and non-Americans alike, with or without the participation or approval of George W. Bush and his Neo-Conservative cohorts. While it is true that what is most important right now is to rescue, feed, house, and in any way possible care for those immediately affected by the disaster, it is equally true that in the long run those directly responsible for aggravating the tragic situation must be held accountable. The mounting evidence of the Bush administration's criminal mismanagement of the nation, as well as its consistently arrogant disregard for our planet's people and natural environments must be confronted immediately. Those who voted for Bush last year, or who have continually supported his outlaw administration in its destructively dishonest conduct, including not only extremist conservatives but also politically-calculating democrats, need not hang their heads or avert their eyes now. What they can and ought to do is join the increasing numbers of Americans who are demanding that presidential impeachment proceedings be initiated as soon as possible. Members of the Bush Administration responsible for the blatant lies and self-serving manipulations that have fanned the flames of disaster from Iraq to New Orleans must be prosecuted as our laws require. We must insist on this. Furthermore, we must not allow these disgracefully unpatriotic public servants to be pardoned by any future president as Gerald Ford did for Richard Nixon. Please call or write your government representatives and help get the scoundrels out of government and in prison where they belong. Do not allow the subject to be changed, do not be distracted. The time to act is now. Take back your country.
- Viggo Mortensen

there are a lot of important things being said, and they aren't being said by anyone in the government.

i hope people see the mishandling of the land and the people that live there for what it is and demand answers and accountability.

a wine-enhanced rant

2005-08-22T19:19:00.000-07:00

i'm having a discussion elswhere online about public school and the other education options we make for our own children. it is making me think and triggering the soapbox that i so often pull out when asked about education and funding and all that is tied into it. because i am incredibly passionate about this topic. annoyingly so, as some would say.

i have made a choice to send my offspring to public school. i say this as a person who never once recieved a public education. my past experiences in elementary and secondary education are topics for a separate post but suffice it to say my experiences were not those of the typical public school educated child in the 80's and 90's. so i made a choice, based on economic factors on both ends of the spectrum, to choose public for my own offspring.

right, so i'm also, obviously, a public school teacher. and i teach special ed. for those not in the know, we are the population that bring the test scores down, that are swept under the rug when possible and villified the rest of the time. it is also no coincidence that there are a dispoportionate number of special ed students in the "minority", "at-risk", and "economically disadvantaged" subpopulations.

i could probably, with some juggling and family assistance, figure out a way to either homeschool or "private school" my own child. but i won't. i can't imagine anything but the direst of circumstances that would change my mind either. part of this is the privilege of living in a very wealthy and envied school district. but i think i would feel the same wherever i lived.

public school may be seen as a failing system by many and at times i'd agree. but it is the largest education system we have and i see know great alternatives on the horizon. certainly no alternatives for the population of people that can't afford the more expensive choices. so what do those of us determined to change the system do? some say the only answer is to abandon it and start from scratch. a noble idea. also a privileged one. i would rather stay in the trenches. it is exhausting, it is heartbreaking, it is a downhill battle, but it is also often totally worth it. rewarding. and that is enough.

i can't imagine leaving this system to be run solely by those who think is is running like a well-oiled machine. because they are the ones who ignore my kids. the onces who would sooner see them at another facility than in their classrooms. and i'm not ready to lay down to them. i'd rather stay in that publically funded, test-driven classroom and sneak in my own messages of self-advocation and true critical thinking so that when the time comes they can make better decisions for themselves. because this is the future. all children. not just the kids that fit so neatly into the box.

notes to self

2005-08-16T18:00:00.000-07:00

don't mind me, i just need to make an accessible note that won't get lost in a pile of papers on things my students are showing they need major work on after day one:

- quotation marks (did i really do that bad of a job with this last year????)
- determining meanings of unknown words
- remembering what you read
- identifying details
- asking for help when you don't know a word
- not losing your place when you read

the good news is that most of my kids do not daydream while reading. i'm sure this is mostly because they are trying so damn hard to understand what it is they are reading.

i did a reading skills survey of my kids today to find out what it is that they recognize about themselves as readers and it is kind of cool to read the responses of the kids i had last year. especially when i can see the jump in their own self-confidence levels from last year. that makes me happy.

now i have to figure out what order to do everything in. i'm thinking i should start out with punctuation because i think learning those cues will help their reading as well. but i've got some great beginning of the year stuff on reading. the planning part is the hardest part, no doubt.

okay, i was poking my head out for a bit. back to work

one foot in

2005-08-09T17:59:00.000-07:00

2 days back, 4 work days until the kids get here. so much to do. almost too much, after a morning of sharing and venting with other secondary resource teachers, i spent the afternoon in my classroom. trying to plan. i thought i had gotten a lot done this summer, and compared to last year i had, but it is still completely overwhelming.

the librarian at my school is absolutely amazing and she even gets a kick out of all of my loud and obnoxiously liberal bumperstickers. we had a great talk about getting all the kids, but mine especially, into the library and to a point where they feel comfortable and, dare i say it, empowered there. can you even imagine?

a couple of the inspiring lesson planning books i got this summer will remain on the shelf for the time being but i may be able to dust them off spring semester. i'm looking back at what i did (and didn't) accomplish last year and i am bound and determined to work the little dears much much harder this year.

the district is starting a new program called FOCUS (don't know what it stands for, training is tomorrow) in which the preciously self-contained ED kids will be mainstreamed. i'll be getting one of the boys and i'm pleased to say that he is one that i fell in love with last year when i would visit the classroom. to say that most of the general ed teachers i've talked to are not thrilled would be a huge understatement. all this talk about what happens when they freak out??? which is a thinly veiled way of saying they want the "fucked up kids" out of their rooms altogether. and i want to ask these teachers if they think life after public school offers self-contained classrooms.

and seriously, we are talking about less than 10 students in a school population of 750. they don't realize that pretty soon all my kids (you know "the stupid ones") will be mainstreamed too and i'll be in their rooms for support. it is reality. my opinions on this approach are complicated and best saved for another time but this is the environment NCLB is setting up and we have to go with it.

i think over the summer i had romanticized my job a bit. the LA department still leaves me out of everything. my classroom is still last on the list for much needed technology. the math resource teacher and i are still pariahs because of "our kids" who are well, you know....

am i bitter? i suppose i am a little bit. will i ever let my students see that? i don't plan on it. they are gonna work their butts off for me and i will for them. we'll do really cool interactive lessons, we'll produce a zine and do some short plays. i am determined to serve these kids in the best way i know how. i just hope the rest of the faculty steps up to the plate.

planning

2005-08-04T09:57:00.000-07:00

mz. smlph asked in reply to my last comment how i plan things out time-wise, or something to that effect. and it's true, it is proving to be quite a daunting task but here is how i have tackled it so far:

1. print out copies of the objectives that my kids will be tested on state-wide.
2. gather all lesson plans i have found in books, on the internet, etc.
3. sort lesson plans by objective

i should interject here that the "department plan" as handed down from on high is to benchmark our students every 3 weeks on specific objectives. so i'm working within that framework

4. find ways to fit lesson plans within an objective together, acknowledging that there will obviously be overlap of different objectives
5. print out blank calendar sheets for each month and black out holidays, half-days, etc
6. start laying it out on the calendar, in pencil
7. factor in beginning of the year assessment testing

so i'm still working on it. i'm starting my kids with a week-long (in theory) library unit because i want the library to be a nonthreatening place for them. then we'll start discussing the different kinds of reading/writing: poetry, nonfiction, fiction, etc. mini-lessons abound.

i also have a new project i dreamed up the other night while going through a bout of insomnia.

i am going to have zine projects ongoing throughout the year. each of my 5 classes will be putting together zines and we'll figure out a way to distribute them. now i just need to hunt down some age-appropriate examples for them.

i'm back

2005-07-29T13:14:00.000-07:00

i don't even know if anyone comes here since i've been very bad at posting during my first ever summer vacation. i sort of abandoned all things teacher this summer. but i go back to work in just over a week and the emails have already started flying between myself and my department chair. this year's goal: organization. it is safe to say that i was totally flying by the seat of my pants last year. i feel a billion times more prepared going in to this year.

so i've got to break the year into 3-week intervals in which i attack specific objectives from the lovely state curriculum/test. i've got great ideas, it is just overwhelming trying to plan how they all fit together and follow eachother.

i think i'm going to be doing a lot more posting of actual lesson plans that i've used with evaluations and modifications for my own records and who knows, maybe they will help other teachers out there.

popping in with suntan and a cold beer

2005-07-09T18:31:00.000-07:00

where have i been? i've been on summer break of course! i fully intended on making a "recap of my year" post but when vacation hit i abandoned all things teacher. my apologies.

i got my tentative schedule for next year in the mail and i suppose that means that summer is closer to being over than it is to beginning. i'm not sad to realize that actually because my summer has been crazy and sad. work keeps me busy and makes me feel like a productive member of society.

for the most part my schedule looks fine. the one big surpirise is that instead of teaching 3 resource + 1 life skills + 1 reading i'm teaching 4 resource and 1 self-contained ED. still teaching LA in everything. i know why it happened and i could have predicted it but i was still a little surprised. i'm totally up for it though. i love the kids in that room!

just today i picked up you gotta be the book (author not on the top of my head) and i'm quite enjoying it. anything to figure out how to get the kids to acually like to read and want to read.

okay, back to vacation. i'll be back with more planning talk later.

a letter to a student that will never be sent

2005-05-20T16:31:00.000-07:00

you asked me a couple of months ago what my first impression was of you and i don't remember. i'm sure y'all had no idea back then how scared i was those first couple of weeks. i felt like i was fighting to survive, all while not letting on how bad it really was. and maybe i fooled you all. and i don't remember when i realized that you were one of those kids that was gonna stick. you were in a very small but intensely difficult class. it was hard but it allowed me to get to know you more than a lot of my other students. and i'm grateful for that.

you have a very tough exterior. i know there are teachers that have an opinion of you based solely on that. and i'm glad that i got to know you and that i knew guys like you growing up. i knew it was a cover a long time ago. and i think you figured out early on that the tough act didn't work on me. because you let it slide very often. you showed me that you were still a little boy in many aspects. you and your sidekick, despite being the typical troublemakers, quickly made your way into my heart.

there have been days when i wanted to shake the snot out of both of you. because i know you can do better. i know you have the potential to be incredible men. you, especially, are lucky to have people at home who love you, will fight for you, will hold you accountable when you fuck up. there are kids that don't have that. it is a blessing that sometimes feels like a curse.

i have a distinct memory of you telling me you were from the valley. you even wrote once about how if you had stayed there you would be in a gang or dead. you recognized that your mother had done something very good for you. you knew that you were headed down a much better path. maybe that memory makes this even harder for me.

i asked you today what you were doing, hanging out with a kid that had waltzed into this school and so quickly turned friendships on their heads. i was not prepared for the flash of anger i saw. you asked why i cared. you said i wasn't family and should stay out of it. and maybe i should. i'm still figuring out where teachers are supposed to step out of their students' lives. but as long as you are in the walls of the school i think i have some say. when there are rumors of fights breaking out and i see students walking around in a daze, as your former best friend is, i feel like i have to speak.

there is one week left in school and after that you are gone. to summer vacation and then high school. there will be nothing left for me to say or do. your new buddy is hard and scarred. i can't fathomt the things that have happened in his life to make him into the person he is. as young as 14 or 15 years old. but i know you haven't been there and you don't have to go there. you have had a good foundation. you have goals. i've spent so much time defending you to ignorant teachers. silently applauding when you accomplished things that nobody else thought you could. but you knew you could.

just 3 days ago i was telling you and your former best friend that you had both surpassed everyone's expectations on the state tests. you were both so proud of yourselves and eachother. there was no sign of that today.

maybe. hopefully. this will blow over next week. i know that you are somewhat of an outsider in your original group but y'all had a tight group of deepdown good kids there. you had the reputation of being the troublemakers but you were all deepdown good.

i'm saying a prayer for you tonight H. i'm scared for you. maybe over time i'll stop caring so much about my students. but not yet.

love,
miss t

i just need to vent

2005-05-19T17:20:00.000-07:00

today was one of those days that made me think, if school wasn't ending very very soon i'd be quitting immediately. but we are unbelievably close to summer so i hung on. to the job and my sanity.

it seems like there was so much happening today that the only way to get it all down is in list form. so please bear with me.

1. i have this student. he is a handful to say the least. heavily medicated on antipsychotics. can't stay away in class at all, says totally inappropriate things loudly, always needs to go to the nurse or the bathroom. the class period i have with him went without incident, but later in the day i was in the hall and he stormed out of another class yelling at the teacher (longterm sub) that he was leaving. so i followed him to the office because my class was covered and he started yelling, with fists clenched, that he was tired of the kids making fun of him and he wanted to hit someone. the emergency counselor was called and i went back to find out what happened. it seems that he punched a girl in the arm and the other kids got on his back for hitting a girl so he got mad. after i went back to class it seems that he came back, got mad again, threatened to kill himself, threatened the sub with his skateboard and the counselor was called again. in a matter of 2 hours he was back in class. i can't think of anything to say about this. it makes me want to cry.

2. twice today staff members at my school proved that the special ed department and our kids really are the red-headed stepchildren and nobody can be bothered to know what it is i even teach.

3. i am known as the nice homeroom teacher. it does not bother me for other kids to come to my room if they have no other work to do. i found out today that some girls have been forging my signature to get kids out of class that aren't even coming to my room. when the 2 girls that got caught were being questioned they told me that someone in my class was forging but they weren't going to turn her in. they apologized and i informed them that if they were going to protect someone that was continuing to break my trust i could not accept their apologies. i know exactly who is doing it but i would like for her to fess up. tomorrow we will see. i feel strangely and totally violated. that's what i get for being nice i suppose.

4. state assessment scores are back and my kids kicked ass for the most part in reading. i'm so proud. apparently, though, i'm not supposed to be happy because the rival junior high in our district did better than us on other stuff. because it's all about the competition? i'm sorry, but the day competition becomes more important than my kids is the day i turn in my resignation letter.

there is more but i can't go there. i need comfort food

wrapping up

2005-05-07T17:52:00.001-07:00

i'm still in awe that we are in the final weeks of my first year as a teacher. the weeks are getting longer, and not just for the students. we've had honors night, the 8th grade dance is coming soon, and there is already talk celebrating the last day of school. of course, there is still plenty of work to do. transition IEP meetings for my incoming 7th graders and my kids going to high school next year, identifying the kids that will have to attend summer school, recommendations for reading classes, and balancing schedules. it looks like i'm going to have 6 periods of full classes, this year i had a few really small classes and just a couple of big, rowdy classes. next year will be entirely different.

hands down i would say that organization was my downfall this year. i have great ideas for projects but getting the details in line is a difficult task for me. i've started preparing for next year already and ideally i will go into the year planned 1 month in advance at all times. of course we all know what is said about the best laid plans.....

i've recently become friends with the "bully prevention expert" for the district. it is a job he was thrown into and now he has a summer to get a program set up to be implemented next year. i've been doing my own work with bullies lately, namely dealing with the effects they have on my students.

wednesday i spent my conference period walking around the football field with a shaky, sad student. it was a good lesson in silence for me. i'm not a silent person by any means but i quickly realized that this is what he wanted. i caught flack from my department chair and her aide because we're supposed to be tough! with these kids and they have 2 choices, class or the nurse's office. but you know, this is an ED kid who has never needed this outlet, not once this year has he had to leave class shaking, save one period of med changes. i'll take the heat, i'll be called on for being "too nice" but i generally know when i'm being manipulated. this kid went back to class quickly after the walk, he got caught up on what he missed and in my class that afternoon he was joking around and smiling.

i sometimes run into this problem with my department chair. she is a very smart woman. she keeps a hard line in her room and doesn't kids get away with a lot of messing around. she also has a very idealistic view of these kids. maybe junior high was a different place for her but i remember being completely overwhelmed by divorcing parents, raging hormones, and other personal issues that felt like mountains to climb back then. nobody held my hand and let me get away with slacking off, but i had a couple of teachers that made it clear that they knew i was going through hard times and they made me feel safe. they made me feel heard.

not all kids are out to manipulate the system. some of them just don't operate well within it. i refuse to leave them out there sinking on their own.

inclusion

2005-05-02T15:02:00.000-07:00

my fighters are back. the kid that started it all is showing absolutely no remorse and he clearly thinks he didn't do shit wrong. he makes it hard to deal with him on a daily basis. it is situations like this that make teaching hard, i have to be an adult in the situation because, well, i'm the adult in the situation.

2 of my colleagues went to a workshop today and i saw one of them after school. they spoke about inclusion as an option for our higher functioning resource kids and i think we are really considering it. 3/4 of our kids would go to mainstream classes and we would be there as support and to modify right then and there. i'm really excited at the prospect. now we have to convince everyone else.

as it is set up now, the kids in the resource room are out of control. they think they have a free pass of some kind to act out in that environment because they know they are all special ed kids. i had to explain to my rowdy group today that they can't use their diagnoses as excuses in the real world. outside of the classroom there are no modifications and their boss won't care if they have ADHD or anything else. the cops don't care if they had a BIP when they were in school.

the hope is that they would regulate themselves accordingly when they are in the same room as their non-disabled peers. because as it is now they see my room and the other resource room as a place to be the "crazy special ed kids" and it makes me want to quit my job.

whew, it's only monday and my brain is already shot.

heart break by the pound

2005-04-27T18:28:00.000-07:00

i survived state testing and so did my students. last week was a trying week, to say the least. but who has time to focus on the past when the present comes and smacks you in the face?

i want to talk about particular students right now. please know that potentially identifying details are changed in many ways. right. so, i have a student who we will call S. S has had some issues, last semester S spent time at the alternative campus but was back in time for mid-semester finals. since the winter break, S has been doing alright. until 2 weeks ago. S started bullying and being generally disruptive. he is combative. last week 2 teachers and myself had conversations with S' parents in which we found out that S was a) off his meds and b) had never been diagnosed with anything in the first place. it seems that last year a teacher suggested he might needs meds and based on this suggestions the doctor wrote a prescription. yeah. fabulous.

fast forward to today. i had S and a few other students go to the library to copy some essays on appropriate behavior because they have been absolute nightmares. i thought i could trust 4 students to walk around the corner in the hall to the library. i was wrong. S got in a fight with I. from what i can gather, according to witnessing students and the teacher that saw it go down, S was getting in I's face. I walked away (good boy!) only to be shoved in the back by S. so at that point I turned around and kicked S, and the teacher broke it up and hauled them to the office.

so the district has a zero tolerance policy on violence which i totally agree with. both kids are suspended for 3 days. maybe i shouldn't have a problem with this but i do. S sat in the office and cried and talked about how he didn't do anything and they were joking around. yes well, forgive me for believing the 2 student witnesses and the teacher witness. I got sick of putting up with S' shit and he fought back. it's hard for me to have zero sympathy.

i was I before his mom came to pick him up. i asked what happened and he told me the same story everyone else had. i reminded him of talks we've had about walking away. the thing is, he walked away and he got shoved full force in the back. to the ground. so he stopped walking away and fought back. all i could do was tell him that at that point he runs away. it doesn't make him look scared, it makes him looks smart. and he broke my heart as he looked at the stack of official papers in his hands and quitly nodded.

there are times that i want to wrap my students up in big bear hugs like i would my own offspring. and i know i can't. and i silently pray that someone at home is doing that for them.

funding hell

2005-04-15T18:47:00.001-07:00

i had an interesting conversation with my principal today. it started innocently enough, when the other resource teacher and i went to talk to him about balancing our classes for next year. currently we have a scheduling nightmare in the form of 2 of our classes and kids are suffering as a result. we are adamant that this needs to be addressed. so, in the conversation we started talking about budgets. the superintendent of our district wants to cut teachers. it is understandable. a new high school is opening next year but we are receiving no more money than we have in previous years. cuts are happening everywhere. such is the nature of the public school system.

in the conversation, the possiblity of a new 3% rule was mentioned. right now, under NCLB, there is an exemption for 1% of the population of any given district when it comes to testing. this is essentially saying that 1% of the population is learning disabled "enough" to be exempt from testing and will not effect the districts "Annual Yearly Progress" (AYP). anyone who knows anything about the education system will know that 1% is a paltry number that in no way accounts for the special education population. so apparently, part of my job involves "miracle-worker". for the record, i don't get paid enough to do that. so. there is currently a discussion happening on the federal level to change the 1% rule to a 3% rule. all well and good, but not enough. my state will still not meet AYP. for the second year in a row. this means that we will see a serious hit in Title I funds. this means that low-income districts will take a HUGE hit in funding.

could someone tell me how in the holy hell it makes sense to take money away from the poorest districts? these kids are already at a disadvantage. this is what makes me see red. i am lucky enough to be in a district that is only marginally affected by this. my offspring is even less affected than i am. does that make me less angry? should that make anyone less angry?

why does education continue to get the shaft? why is education one of the least important issues in our country? how is it that our current president touted education as one of his biggest concerns yet he does nothing relevant in defense of education and his "home state" is one of the lowest ranking in the country? what is wrong with this picture?

a soapbox about spending

2005-04-13T22:47:00.000-07:00

as was mentioned in an earlier post i might just be getting hooked on this blogging thing. we'll see i suppose.

i can tell you the number of days until the end of the school year. it keeps me sane. but in some ways it depresses me. i don't want to be that teacher that everyone knows is waiting for the end of the year. because i really do love what i do. next year i am going to miss my current 8th graders like crazy. i suppose that is par for the course somehow.

state testing is next week for my campus. it is going to suck. i'm not afraid to say that. i don't think it is any secret that i think standardized testing is a toally bullshit way of "grading" students or teachers. especially looking at a special education program. there has got to be a more holistic way to judge an educational program besides some state developed test. when did we stop caring about the individual student? yes, of course it would cost money to develop, doesn't anything? how much is the current war costing us? how much did bush and kerry spend on campaigning? will anyone deem that kind of money necessary for education? will anyone deem education important enough to devote large amounts of money to? sure, in a cursiry glance "large" amounts of money are being spent on education. but when you look at it in a realistic fashion, when you look at how many kids are being educated, it is a disgrace to our country that we clearly care so little about the education of our youth.

a pet peeve of mine

2005-04-08T17:46:00.000-07:00

2 in 1 day! can you believe it? i can't help it when i get inspired!

i was reading Middle School Mayhem and i came across a gem of a post. because this is also a HUGE pet peeve of mine. one that i give detentions for, in fact. i would ask where this comes from but i know all too well because i hear these comments from educated adults as well. i've gone into lecture-mode before and i've resorted to the silent icy stare as well.

people are ignorant. i can't just classify the kids because they hear it all over the place. they think it is "no big deal" to refer to someone's mental capacity or sexual orientation as a shorthand for stupid. it doesn't matter that people get beat up over these and other words.

here is a newsflash. using these words make you look ignorant. they tell me a lot about who you are as a person. they make me think that there is a small step for you, to make some totally fucked up racist statement in your next sentence. i mean, why not? it's all about classifying people that are different. why not keep going?

and i have a confession in all of this. i want to work on programs in my school to teach kids about tolerance. i've read books and websites and magazine articles on it. but thus far i haven't made the leap to talking to the administrators about it. administrators that have been nothing but supportive of me as a new teacher thus far. it's just that i've been burned by too many inner ignorant jerks in the past that look at me crosseyed when i suggest that anyone other than the white, wealthy, heterosexual might possibly be deserving of support.

out from under the rubble

2005-04-08T17:18:00.000-07:00

there is so much going on at work. i haven't been in the classroom with my 7th graders for longer than 5 minutes this entire week. i've been out of town (1 day) and in transition IEP meetings the rest of the time. if state testing wasn't less than 2 weeks away it wouldn't be a huge deal. but it is so, it is. one good way to look at it is that i'm getting a picture of the kids i'll have coming in next year. but still it has been a hairpulling past couple of weeks.

and my 8th graders. they are killing me. how do i convince them, this late in the game especially, that junior high does matter. the choices and habits made now will follow you, at least to some degree, to high school and maybe even beyond. i'm afraid to use myself as an example because in their eyes i am a success. i have a job and offspring. they haven't seen what i had to do to get from there to here. they don't see what i still have to do outside of the walls of the school.

despite some indecisiveness on my part, i signed my renewal contract last week. i'll be a teacher again. at least one more year. i have convinced myself that it will be a million times easier. so many mistakes that i have learned from. lessons that were awesome and some that were horrible. i can time some lessons better as well. so i'm excited. it is notable that i have never been at a job for a second year. and this is one of those jobs i can't just wake up and quit. i'm under contract. freaky.

there has been a lot going on at my school over the past month or so. students with guns. teachers being fired. drugs. sex. attempted suicide. it's an intense job because you really never know what will happen when you get there. i broke up my first fight last week. it was one of those moments you don't really experience until it is over and you are looking back on it. in slow motion. you just have to move. get in there and stop it. it's harder in the aftermath when you know one of the students involved. when that student has been a dream until that point. a success story.

i'm having a really hard time with one student in particular. well, more than one, but one that i will write about now. a super athlete. one of those kids born athletic. and that is all that has really mattered to the student and the parents. reading classes are not taken if it means no athletics class. right around grade check for the "no pass no play" rule, student X's grades mysteriously rise to just barely passing. X is also a total hypochondriac and will maneuver out of class at any given time. today, when i read off (in no particular order) the class averages of my 8th graders, X wanted to go to the coach to get a copy of the progress report for my class to find out what needed to be made up. when i calmly explained that perhaps he could get that information in better detail from me, teacher of the class, he started immediately sulking. you see, there is a track meet on monday. he couldn't fathom why it could possibly be his fault that he is failing practically every class and teachers are unwilling to bend over backwards to raise his grade in one day. especially when satruday school was flat out turned down by mom and student.

sometimes you want to just give up on a student. people tell you that if you just change one student's life you've done your job. it is probably to my detriment that i can't accept that. because if that were the case, i would only be teaching one student at a time.

a slight stray from all teacher talk all the time

2005-03-27T17:38:00.000-08:00

where have i been? getting back in the groove after spring break. for some reason it was harder to go back after spring break than it was after winter break. i think the gorgeous weather had more than a little to do with that.

the kids have spring fever in full effect. they are ready for summer. my 8th graders are ready for high school. the countdown has officially begun.

we have 3 weeks until the big reading and math state tests. no pressure. i'm only being asked to do the impossible. [insert rant about NCLB's effect on SpecEd teachers and students] one of these days i will get the full rant in. but is is so circular, the whole thing and it far surpasses just "the education issue". systemic racism and classism fit in there quite nicely too. sprinkle in a touch of ableism and we're about there. it makes my head hurt.

it is safe to say that i have a very significant slant in my beliefs. i lean left in case anyone hadn't caught on yet. i was astounded during the most recent presidential ~~catastrophe~~ election that so many of my fellow educators were voting for bush and co. dumbfounded and saddened deeply. for so long i have wanted to ask people why they could possibly vote for him. not just educators but women. anyone not making 6+ figures. it is a can or worms i am afraid to open.

so i ask you, dear readers, if you voted for bush and co. why did you do it? if you didn't, what do you have to say to those that did? and please, i know it is a very emotionally charged topic for some, but i will delete any comments filled with hate or personal attacks. thank you.

spring fever.

2005-03-10T15:59:00.000-08:00

i had an IEP meeting earlier this week for a student i normally wouldn't go to a meeting for. we split the SpecEd kids up by mentors and this is a child in the life skills class so the life skills teacher should have taken this one. he had a "personal situation" come up so he asked me to fill in. i teach the child in language arts so i have knowledge of his academic needs so i said i would do it.

this is not any typical kid. this is our "hard kid". he has pretty severe mental retardation, visual impairment, some hearing impairment, and a major speech impairment. the kid's file does not fit in a file cabinet drawer so it is in a box. a pretty big box. there have been moments where i think i am getting through to him, but even more moments when i feel like all i am doing is babysitting him.

so, the meeting. it went pretty well. mom is a good mom, has very realistic expectations, and works well with the teachers and other staff to get her child what he needs. not a lot to complain about. the thing is, this kid needs a one-on-one aide. he deserves the attention and his teachers need that support. he isn't going to get one. mom isn't pursuing it and i can't mention it because the district has to pay for it. of course the district should pay for it, but the funding isn't there. this is one of the uglier realities of public school that i hate.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i missed school yesterday because my offspring was sick. i missed a very interesting staff meeting. we were apparently informed that a student had come to school with a gun. no names were given. the student was taken off campus in handcuffs. a seventh grader. as far as i could tell, the gun was not loaded and it was more of a misguided show and tell situation but still. it sure was a wake up call. it could have been a very different scenario. very sobering thought.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

have i mentioned that spring fever has hit our campus hard? i'm sure it has hit any campus that has experienced the slightest bit of sunshine. my kids are getting out of control, especially my 8th graders who seem to think they are mere days away from high school. i don't know what sort of high style lifestyle is awaiting them at high school but it is BIGGER AND BETTER THAN THIS. there is a lot of hype surrounding a new high school that is almost finish that my kids will populate next year. that may have something to do with it. and never underestimate the power of changing hormones.

i have written about my class of seventh graders from hell. it isn't getting better. something has to change between now and next fall with these kids or i will go crazy. they call eachother names, tell eachother to shut up, punch eachother in the back, the list goes on. But Miss Teacher! We were just playing! just playing my ass. when it serves them they were just playing but it can turn on a dime and i prefer the entire situation not happen. i've had the counselor in to talk to them and frankly i would love to have the campus police officer in to talk to them. i foresee a lot of detentions and referrals in my near future.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i know the year is not over but i am already doing planning in my head for next year. there are projects i wish i had done earlier in the year and some i wish i had never tried at all. i have a much better grasp on my scope and sequence and how to plan things out. i'm taking a lot of notes already. i'm excited.

random news

2005-03-03T15:55:00.000-08:00

i'm now a class assignment. i recently shared the link to this blog to some friends and family members so that they could get a better understanding of what it is i do. i've been feeling a little self-conscious about that, because i know that not everyone i sent the link to will agree with me on some of the topics i discuss. but i've shared and i hope it serves some purpose.

it has been a very long week. yesterday i felt like i had been dropped into some bizarre universe in which all of my students were instructed to be incredibly shitty to me. okay, maybe not so much a bizarre universe as springtime in junior high. ah yes, spring is in the air. the weather is gorgeous and spring break is around the corner. in the teacher's lounge morning, the comment was made that as the year gets shorter the weeks get longer. sing it, brother.

i've had to deal with quite a few discipline issues this week. i had to write a referral on a student that i quite like, but that did something so blatant that i couldn't possibly turn my back. he was, of course, indignant. apparently i should have written a referral on the other kid for "starting it" during lunch. where i wasn't. he couldn't understand that i can't write a referral on something i didn't witness.

i forget, sometimes, how the ability to view things outside of your narrow view, isn't something you have all along. many certainly don't have it in junior high. at least not in my experience.

i recently avoided becoming involved in a lawsuit through my job. a teacher was being fired for some pretty damaging and unethical behavior towards a student and i had witnessed a lot of the behavior or consequences of it. at the last minute she apparently accepted defeat and resigned. a sigh of relief. i only hope that she is not able to find employment as an administrator as she had been planning on doing.

i'm ready for the weekend.

tests and failures of the system

2005-02-22T16:26:00.000-08:00

today was Big Bad Test Day for my 7th graders in writing. i probably should have been more nervous than i was, what with all the noise coming up about merit-based pay. all in all i like to think my kids did okay. i had the biggest chunk of them in my room and they didn't seem to be getting too frustrated. the hardest part was asking a bunch of 7th graders, most of them diagnosed ADHD, to sit in a room for 3 hours and not talk. hellish.

this saturday i take the second (and final) test to get my actual certificate. i'm pretty nervous about this one, since i missed the practice test by 3 questions, i hate being that close to the line on this stuff. i don't expect to necessarily ace it, but having some room between my score and the minimum passing would be nice.

i have some other deadlines coming up, like my portfolio presentation, and tests in my college course, but those will all work themselves out. i keep telling myself, 2 weeks until spring break. it seems unreal that i'm already this far into my first year of teaching. i'm not in that scary, drowning survival mode that i spent the entire first semester in.

i may become involved in a lawsuit soon. indirectly of course, but my documentation was requested by the attorney of a former colleague. it is a nightmare in which a student's mental health is the ultimate victim. i just don't understand how teachers can be so thoughtless and downright cruel. and before you remind me that teachers are only human, i already know that. remember? i'm a teacher and quite human, but there is a certain level of behavior that you maintain, at the very least at school. fucking a student over (excuse my language), whether it is physically or emotionally, is inexcusable.

i probably shouldn't say more about this in such a public forum, but i am very angry. people can reallu suck sometimes.

let's talk about S-E-X

2005-02-19T19:41:00.000-08:00

junior high kids think and talk about sex. as much as people would like to deny it, many of them actually HAVE sex. it is a fact of life. i can do all of the hemming and hawing i want to about how much more innocent my generation was then this one in this aspect. it wouldn't be entirely true. i am of the age that junior high is a not-so-distant memory. i also know that i was particularly naive in junior high. sex was not something at the forefront of my mind. i would be lying, though, if i said that was the case for all kids my age at that time. i knew kids were having sex around me, but having skipped first grade, and being a bit behind on the developmental curve, i wasn't there yet.

i have vague memories of what passed as sex education back then. i think the health classes were split according to gender and we were vaguely told about sex and why we shouldn't do it. i should add the disclaimer that i went to private school, so my contemporaries in public school may have had a very different experience.

at home, the discussion of sex didn't really happen beyond, "have you? well, don't." with both parents, this pseudo-conversation happened after i had already "taken the plunge" and i was in high school. in talking to peers now and from back then, their experiences weren't much different. the talks that did happen were minimal. now that i am a parent, albeit hopefully a ways off from that conversation, i understand the reluctance to talk about it. i don't want to have to face the inevitable questions about how old i was when i started and how that compares to what i tell my offspring.

there is a frightening thing going on in our public schools today called "abstinence-only education". the idea being, i suppose, that if you don't talk about sex and condoms, kids won't be tempted. hah! have the people writing this curriculum not turned on the radio or tv lately? sex is out there in full force.

the state curriculum where i am teaching and raising a child states the following in relation to teaching 7th and 8th graders about sexual activity:

(D)  identify information relating to abstinence;

(E)  analyze the importance of abstinence from sexual activity as the preferred choice of behavior in relationship to all sexual activity for unmarried persons of school age;

(F)  discuss abstinence from sexual activity as the only method that is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and the sexual transmission of HIV or acquired immune deficiency syndrome, and the emotional trauma associated with adolescent sexual activity;

that's it. i want to know where the people writing and implementing this curriculum were when they were in junior high that they think this is a realistic thing to teach and expect to work. i spend my days teaching kids that as long as the girl is on the pill you are safe. because appraently pregnancy is the only thing that could possibly happen to them. what is equally devastating, is that i have peers today that follow this line of thinking.

i certainly do not believe that anybody should be promoting sexual activity in the age group i am teaching. but i'm realistic and i'm there and i know that whatever we teach them, sex is happening. it is negligent and criminal to not prepare kids for reality. condoms are good things. protecting ourselves against sexually transmitted diseases is a GOOD. THING. teaching young men and women about their bodies, what they are capable of, what they need to stay healthy, this is all a GOOD. THING.

here is something to chew on:

The U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the developed world, and American adolescents are contracting HIV faster than almost any other demographic group. The teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is at least twice that in Canada, England, France, and Sweden, and 10 times that in the Netherlands. Experts cite restrictions on teens' access to comprehensive sexuality education, contraception, and condoms in the U.S., along with the widespread American attitude that a healthy adolescence should exclude sex. By contrast, the "European approach to teenage sexual activity, expressed in the form of widespread provision of confidential and accessible contraceptive services to adolescents, is . . . a central factor in explaining the more rapid declines in teenage childbearing in northern and western European countries" (Singh & Darroch, 2000). California, the only state that has not accepted federal abstinence-only money, has seen declines in teenage pregnancy similar to those seen in European countries. Over the last decade, the teenage pregnancy rate in California has dropped more than 40 percent ("California reduces...," 2004).

more here

teen pregnancy is a very real issue. one that has greatly impacted my own life in a variety of ways. some of the most amazing people i know have been teen parents. i can't think of one that would argue in favor of teaching only abstinence. we live in a society that uses sex as one of the ultimate tools. turn on any media outlet and there is a sexual message, more often than not, using an adolescent or young adult as the billboard for whatever message they are pushing. britney spears in a school girl uniform. the girls of the o.c. experimenting with other girls of the o.c. lindsey lohan and the olsen twins looking young and sultry at every turn. how are teens expected to avoid sex if they are to look at the world around them? what is the message here? "we will use your sexual identities to sell our product, but don't you dare explore it yourself!" who are we trying to fool?

i know i'm starting to come across as in love with my own voice on this subject. it matters to me. my students are having sex and they aren't equipped to deal with it. if i tell them the things i think they need to know to survive i could lose my job.

meetings galore

2005-02-18T19:03:00.000-08:00

i've been waiting for the weekend. today was the day of IEP meetings for a huge chunk of my 8th graders as we transition them to high school. the way the meetings get split is based on who the student's mentor is. so of 5 kids that i had to write objectives for, i only had 2 meetings.

the first meeting was for one of the most amazing kids i think i may ever meet. at the beginning of the year, when The Passion of the Christ came out on dvd all my kids wanted to know if i had seen it and what i thought. i hadn't seen it and i had no plans to. some kids didn't get it. this boy had the perfect response. "not everyone gets their religion from a movie." i was floored. he regularly says things like this at the most perfect times. he wants to be a pilot in the air force. i would hate to lose this kid to the military, and in the meeting today i could see that his mother feels much the same way. this woman is hugely responsible for what an amazing kid she has. sometimes kids just turn out that way regardless of the parent, this mother is awesome. from haiti, her kids were born in the bronx and now they are here. she'll be damned if her kids fall prey to the tv nation. i can see they won't. and the way this boy loves and respects his mother. i hope my own son turns out a fraction that way.

the second meeting was with my tough guy. big football player. one of my weaknesses, this kid. trouble maker with a heart of gold. he tells me how close he was to being in a gang before his parents moved him to small town america. i hear other teachers talk about how this kid will slash your tires if you aren't careful, or he'll make a good ditch digger someday. i'll be damned. he wants to play in the nfl, and barring that he wants to be a fire fighter. he is capable of either. this ended up being a phone meeting with dad because mom had to work. kid is not a huge fan of teachers but he would do anything for me and i don't take advantage of that. he knows i would fight for him too. his math teacher was the general ed representative. i had never really talked to this particular teacher but he won me over today. he sees what i see in this kid. anyone who gave him a chance would, most just don't. there are some kids you worry about when they leave you. this kid was gonna be one of them. after today, not so much. his dad had a story i know all too well. pulled out of high school by his dad to work. not a lot of options. now, he wants so. much.more. for his own son. a diploma or ged is not enough. college, that is the answer. they know he has struggles with reading but they're going to make it work. i believe they will. i expect this kid to surprise a lot of people, even me.

there was another meeting i would like to have attended. unfortunately, mom had a baby yesterday so they authorized the meeting to happen without them. a shame, because mom and stepdad need to know the truth about their kid. he does a lot of sexually inappropriate things in classes with his female teachers and he says ALOT of racist shit. it does not fly in my classroom. this kid is also apparently incapable of taking responsibility for his actions and mom and stepdad aren't doing a lot to combat that. they want to know "why does he have so many problems in miss teacher's class??" um, because she doesn't take his shit mom. everyone at school, for the most part, has his number, but mom doesn't. and likely won't. of all my kids this is mr. privilege. he'll skate by on being who he is. he'll leave one hell of a mess in his wake.

i told my prinicipal today that i want to come back next year. there was a question for awhile. if i was going to teach again this would be the place, i just didn't know what my future held. it seems that they want me back. i'm just wondering if, aside from things getting easier, is there some kind of "let down" after your first year. my 8th graders are extraordinary this year. i will miss them and i can't imagine a group like them coming around anytime soon. is that common?

on fire

2005-02-17T15:18:00.000-08:00

i have one particular group of 7th graders that drives. me. crazy. CRAZY. round rubber room crazy. i couldn't take it today. i went into full mean teacher lecture mode. nobody likes it when i have to do that, least of all me. having been sick i don't have the lung capacity for 40 minutes of lecturing but i didn't have much choice. i laid it to them straight. there comes a point in your life when you must take responsibility for your actions, be it namecalling, fighting, whatever. you can't blame someone else for everything. this was a very hard lesson for me even in high school but i wish someone had tried to teach it anyway. so here i am. with the exception of one kid i think they got it and i'm not giving up on that one kid anytime soon.

i'm trying to take a new approach to teaching. i think i am emerging from the sink or swim mentality i've been making it through with. i'm past survival mode. tonight i'm going through my own child's storybooks and taking some up to school for a reader's theater project. i'm really excited. we're gonna take it step by step in how to turn something like a story into a script and then we'll put in stage directions, blocking, and they'll perform it. very excited.

i'm also gonna start a student of the week project. leading up to it we'll put together interview questions for imaginary guests. things they would want to know about their idols. then i'll announce the student of the week. i'll do it the friday before and give the student time to prepare. their picture will be posted, they'll open each class with a fact or story about themselves and on friday we'll interview them. past interviews will be posted in the room. i'll probably model it on myself or my aide. if i can talk the principal into it we'll model it using the principal. i'm excited.

out of the light

2005-02-15T18:10:00.000-08:00

where did i leave off? i can't remember. i've been sick sick sick. it is a strange thing to be absent from work like this for more than a day. i've missed days here and there with a stomach bug, sick offspring, or day of training, but i've been down for the count for awhile and i'm dreading going back tomorrow. i'm not ready. i'm going to be exhuasted and i have a night class at the end the work day, but i can't afford to miss more. i can't afford it monetarily and my students can't afford it.

next week is the Big Bad State Assessment for half of my kids in writing. don't get me started. so much pressure on these kids when school itself is such a tough thing. at the end of next week i have a Big Bad Teacher Test to take. two weeks after that i present a portfolio showcasing what i have learned in my first year as a teacher. expect entries in preparation for that.

i don't think i've posted about it here, but i'm going through some sort of identity crisis. there was a short period of time there where i had decided i wasn't returning to the profession next year. that has passed. if they will have me back, i'll be back for another year at the current school. after that it is up in the air. MSW (Masters in Social Work) or law school. we'll see. i'm trying to keep all that in my private blog and leave the teaching stuff here. so enough about that.

what have i learned as a first year teacher? what a time to ask. there has been high drama in my district and most recently in my very department. i know that teachers are human. but why do they have to be bad humans? why do they have to hurt kids? i'm saddened and angry but i can't talk about it. no tell alls from miss teacher. just vague references.

i've learned that no 2 days are the same. that you fall in love with your students right off the bat. sometimes they piss you off and sometimes you love them fiercely. they definitely remind you what it was like to be young. sometimes i think they are older than i am in what they have seen in their short lives.

the system is failing so many of my kids in such a big way. i told my principal this. he heard me and understood me. he said the thing that makes me a good teacher is the very thing that makes me want to throw my hands in the air. not a lot of reassurance.

i think one of the reasons i have avoided updating here is because i have so much to process and i'm afraid to. i may get to it slowly but it may not come tumbling out until the summer vacation when i have time to step back and take a break. we'll see. when i started this blog i was intimidated by some of the other, more established teacher blogs out there. was i going to sound academic enough? would i post links to the hot topics in teacher-land? i'm sure i don't and i obviously haven't. i need to get over that. this is about my experience. i don't even know how many readers i have out there anymore, 2 that i have evidence of, but this has got to be here mainly for myself. if i quit doing this next year this will be my record.

i need to sleep. i'm still exhausted.

out of hiding

2005-02-07T19:17:00.000-08:00

i've come out of hiding, again, i suppose. it seems i have disgruntled a grad student who takes a couple of typos to mean that i am ruining the children of the future. whatever, i was tired when i wrote that and i'm assuming we are all entitled to a mistake or two now and again? this is actually something i stress with my kids so it's kind of funny to be getting called out on it.

getting back in the swing of things has made me neglect the journal a bit, unfortunately. there has been a lot going on. i am in the midst of an internal struggle regarding an ethical issue that has come up on my campus. it doesn't involve me, but i am stuck in the middle as an innocent bystander and witness to some of the madness. i have mild reservations about posting the details. it is always in the back of my head that someone i work with could stumble across this. i'll leave the details at this: a teacher i work with is potentially really screwing up a child that has faced a lot of serious shit in his life. tomorrow is the big day when it will all be dealt with and maybe i'll post more than. cryptic isn't exactly my style.

i had a really great idea for a project today that i need to write down while i work out the details. i have a children's book of creation stories and i would love to have kids compare stories across cultures in small groups. my kids love children's books and they are written at a lower level so i think it is feasible. right now my 8th graders are working on some alternative book reports for black history month while my 7th graders are doing proofreading. hah! maybe i should have them proofread this so that "international graduate student" won't think i've followed the wrong calling!

my Big Bad Portfolio Presentation is quickly approaching and silly me has been focusing on teaching so i have some catching up to do. expect some musings on articles soon.

keeping it up

2005-01-11T18:46:00.000-08:00

did i fall off the wagon that quickly? forgive me. it's been a whirlwind, the past week or so. the kids came back with a vengeance. my newly combined class of 8th graders is much more manageable than i had anticipated, although we do tend to get off track. the new reading class with the predetermined curriculum is slowly getting off the ground. there are only 5 kids which is a blessing and a curse.

transfer IEP meetings have started. we mainstreamed another student on friday. he is a super bright kid and it was doing more harm than good having him in the resource setting. it's a scary feeling, like letting one of your own children loose in the world without you.

this week we are doing a practice run of the state assessment testing which makes for a long and weird school day. the first 3 hours are all testing, then 30 minute classes and of course the kids are fried in the brain and climbing the walls. i heard that there was a fight in the boys restroom right after the testing.

i found out that due to NCLB the "highly qualified" teaching status means i won't be a certified special ed teacher from EC-12th grade when i'm done with the program. i'll be certified to teach special ed EC-8th grade in english/language arts, reading, and math. so i'm going to have to get certified in specific subjects if i want to move to the high school ever. alrighty. i do quite like junior high though. i've got time to make that decision.

i had a late night last night and a long day today so i need to get in bed and do a little knitting or reading before i pass out.

a new year, a fresh start

2005-01-03T03:46:00.000-08:00

i think it is safe to say that i have been missing in action for a bit. i let other things take precedence over updating this blog. there were times i thought about returning but i never made it a priority. putting it on the back burner became much easier when my old computer finally crapped out on me in early november but really that is no excuse.

i don't know how much of the fall semester i want to try to recap. i think i would like to focus more on where i am now. suffice it to say i made it to the other side (winter vacation) alive with only one real period of burnout that i can pinpoint. now, here i am about to start semester number 2. the home strecth i suppose. in same ways it feels like the first day all over again.

it is a teacher workday today and there is a lot to be done. myself and the reading teacher are starting a new reading program this semester that we hope will allow some of our students to make great strides in their decoding and comprehension skills. this new class means that my 2 8th grade classes will be combining into 1, a move i am more than a little nervous about. i come from last semester knowing that my class management skills leave a lot to be desired.

so it is a new year on the calendar and the time for resolutions to be made. in my personal life i'm not one for making great lists of resolutions as they tend to fall by the wayside and serve as reminders of what i haven't accomplished. here though, i am making one resolution. to keep this "journal" up to date. at least 3 entries a week.

i really do need a place to think about what has happened and plan aloud. i have a tendency to sail through experiences and come out the other side having little memory of the details. i want to remember my first year of teaching and beyond as much as possible. for my own peace of mind as much as for a record of what happened.

2004-10-10T20:05:00.000-07:00

there are so many moments in teaching that make your jaw drop and you just have to scratch your head, laugh, and move on. and occasionally you spend your conference or lunch period in a classroom with another teacher laughing at the crazy things that happen during the day.

i was asked tonight about teaching by someone that will be starting a similar program in january. it is hard for me to say a few words about it. i get on a soapbox and can't seem to get off. especially when the "every child left behind" act gets mentioned. talk about a soapbox. i'm far too tired and spaced out to go into it tonight but good lord. the state of education and funding of it in this country makes me want to rip my hair out.

i have 2 ARDs under my belt and 2 more this week. i also chaperoned a dance this past friday. i am proud to say that my boys are the dancing kings of the school. i even got down with the chicken dance and the cha-cha shuffle, whatever the hell that is, for a bit. i've been sore for 2 days since.

my PDAS observations are this month as well as an observation for my training program. i'm a wee bit nervous to say the least. i think i do a good job. i hear about the teacher's that do nothing but lecture and test. i'm so not about all that. it is more about the kids working on there own and i walk around do the one on one stuff. my 8th grade classes are more about controlled chaos. we are working on that community journal project and last week we even had a debate. they have been asking for a repeat on the debates every day since. i created a monster.

tomorrow is a "holiday" for the kids and i'll spend the day disaggregating data on the TAKS tests. oh. joy. i did not get into this profession to crunch numbers

2004-09-27T18:25:00.000-07:00

i was called out on not keeping this thing up today so here i am, updating. trying to stay current. i did research today on online journals for students, more as a weblog tool than some kind of class journal where they check assignments. it is based on a community journal project found here . i looked around this morning but was not entirely encouraged by what i found. one of the most disturbing journals i found was for either high school or junior high and they seemed to get spammed by wackos posting all kinds of p0rn shit. yeah, don't exactly want my kids dealing with that. if i can figure out a way to screen comments so that i have to approve them that would be ideal because i actually would quite like these journals to be up for public consumption.

if need be, though, i can talk to our campus techmate about some kind of password protected site. i talked briefly to the kids about it and i told them they could make up names to post under, and obviously there would be no last names. i'm really excited about the project and even more nervous. we are going to start slowly and just discuss journaling as a writing form before we get near the web.

i have my first ARD meeting tomorrow and i am a bit nervous. it feels so overwhelming. i can't really articulate it but i'll be sure to update tomorrow night to relay how it went.

one of my kids from the self-contained classroom got moved to one of my regular classes. he is pretty much being mainstreamed, which i did have some say in, but i'm nervous for him. he is high functioning autistic and gets super frustrated easily. i don't know. i think the environment will ultimately be really beneficial but i'm worried about the adjustment period. really worried about the adjustment period.

2004-09-26T19:13:00.000-07:00

i attended an engagment party last night for a girl i graduated high school with. her mom was a teacher for many years and i last spoke with her about a year ago when i was still just studying to be a teacher. now that i actually am one i knew i had to speak with her. we were lot in conversation for nearly an house last night and it was so wonderful to find someone that could relate to these crazy mixed emotions that i experience as a result of my job. therapeutic. we even talked about something that was asked of me recently, did i fear i would ever become jaded. i told her as i told the person who asked me, if i did that would be the day i decided to quit. because i can't help kids i don't truly, deeply care about. that is it.

my para (aide) called tonight to tell me she would be gone tomorrow. we have a wonderful online sub sign-up system so i already know who will be subbing for her. it is a woman i briefly met a couple of weeks ago who subbed for the math resource teacher. we basically have the same kids so when my para told me she did well in that class i immediately put her on the list for mine. tomorrow i'll get to meet her a little more personally so i'm glad.

in some ways, teaching is like existing in a vacuum. i know what goes on in my room, and i marginally know what happens in that math resource class but my kids are in a lot of other classes. i have no idea what the structure is or the classroom management. so i have decided i want to arrange some kind of observation period with other teachers in the school. preferably teachers that my kids have during the day. i'm going to talk to my principal about it tomorrow. i really don't htink he'll have a problem with it.

wrapping the week up.

2004-09-23T15:23:00.000-07:00

today was a loooooong day. my 7th graders got a bit of a free day because it was writing workshop and we don't have enough computers to go around in the classroom. in 3rd period i had a lot of them doing illustrations for their written pieces. in other words, drawing. my 8th graders were bouncing off the walls today and i got so freakin fed up. i found a really neat project for them to work on but it is going to take a lot of planning. i'll be working very hard to get it in some kind of order over the weekend so we can really get started.

not having ink in my printer since the beginning of the year is killing me. i need to be able to print stuff and not have to send a child out of the room to go get it. seriously, killing me.

i got notice today that i have to attend 2 ARD/IEP meetings next week, and i have 3 IEPs to write by, oh, tomorrow end of day. i know what i'll be doing tomorrow morning, during conference, and during lunch. i've already pretty much written one, just need to input it into the proper program on the computer, the other 2 will be slightly more difficult because i basically have no transferred info on the kids from their previous schools.

thank GAWD tomorrow is friday is all i have to say.

oh yeah! and i had a great last period with one of my lowest functioning kids today. child grabbed my id card from around my neck and bit it, grabbed 2 handfuls of the aide's hair while i was guiding him to his desk, threw the desk over for the 3rd time this week and spent the rest of the period basically beating himself up. then had to meet with the LSSP and department chair to determine if what i did was a restraint or not (it wasn't, saved from massive paperwork). good times in the life of a teacher.

balance

2004-09-22T16:59:00.000-07:00

so the counselors finally got around to balancing my 7th grade classes. don't get me wrong, i know they have a monstrous job, and i understand why it took awhile, but thank gawd it finally happened. they moved 2 of my lowest boys into the small 1st period and the girl that i don't even think needs to be in my class, she is too high. word has it i hav 2 more girls moving into that class making it nearly perfectly balanced.

the boys moved yesterday and it was a horribly traumatic thing for one kid. he doesn't not handle change well at all, and he got a completely different social studies teacher so he was freaking out. i talked to him a lot one on one during class and by the end of the day he seemed more settled. and today, well, today he was a different kid from the one i have known all year. he was laughing and participating in class. a lot. and he and the other boy actually read in front of the class. they asked. i didn't have to prompt or beg. my heart almost burst for those 2 boys. i can see a way to make some mad progress with them now.

we are nearing the end of the 2nd six weeks which means eligibility is the buzzword. all my football players (and i have a lot) are clamoring to find out there grade. most of them are passing. all but one really. there was another 7th grader who i thought was going to be my Problem Child all year. last week i held him after and was going to assign detention and call the parents, i had had it. the look on his face. he was literally begging me not to, said he would change his ways. now, i'm not one to deny someone a second chance so in no uncertain terms i told him this was it. he shaped up the next day or else. well let me tell you, he has been my angel-boy, my helper, ever since. and with his behavior issues virtually gone i can see that he is a lot higher than the school he transferred from put on any of his paperwork. it is just a matter of getting him to do the work. and now he isn't failing. scraping by as a result of the first 4.5 weeks but not failing. he even smiles at me in the halls now and says hello.

my 7th graders read Seventh Grade by Gary Soto today, and my 8th graders read and excerpt from I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (the part where she meets Mrs. Flowers and her life is seemingly transformed). well, technically they listened to the story on cd, although some of the 8th graders wanted to do popcorn reading. this wasn't the time i wanted to working their reading skills but more on their comprehension and discussion skills. it went well. there were journal entries following which didn't work with some of my 7th graders but the 8th graders did memoirs and it was eyeopening and heartbreaking all at once. stories of entering the foster system, my major "problem child" told the story that is barely a year old of being hit by a truck while bike riding which is why i have him now. a week after his 12th birthday. tomorrow he is bringing me before and after pictures.

this teaching thing is never old or boring. every hour presents another challenge or triumph. i've been told by some that "if i only touch one kid....." but that isn't good enough. i need to touch them all, to make them all see that they can do so much, and to find the ways to do it. even the kids who grate on my last nerve.

2004-09-19T16:47:00.000-07:00

i need to give myself homework and update this thing regularly. i'm sure all of my loyal fans out there (do i actually have loyal fans?) would appreciate it. i'll try, i swear.

i have been keeping my head above water which is good, but i need to get a better handle on this preparation thing. winging it is not fair to my kids. monday and tuesday the kids will be testing, which involves them taking last year's TAKS tests for the grade-level they will be taking the SDAA on. they're gonna hate me but it is necessary for this whole benchmarking hoo-ha. i scored some mad libs books today for them to play with as they finish up, because i know some kids are going to take longer than others.

my 8th graders will be reading/listening to an excerpt from Maya Angelous' I KNow Why the Caged Bird Sings. i'm actually quite excited about it. i'm going to tie it into the writing workshops and have them write memoirs later in the week. the specific excerpt is the part where she talks about being taken under the wing of Mrs. Flowers, so i'll have them talk about turning points in their lives. should be interesting.

the 7th graders are going to be reading Seventh Grade, a short story by Gary Soto. i'm still trying to figure out a direction to take it but it will tie into the idea of fitting in and whatnot. i hate to admit it but i really am less enthused about my 7th graders in general. the behavior management wears me out. altho, i did have a breakthrough with one of my more frustrating kids last week. he was 2 seconds away from a d-hall, i had held him after class and when the mention of calling the parents came up, i thought he was going to cry then and there. so i gave him one more chance and told him that if need be i would be writing d-hall slips the next day. huge improvement. HUGE. after behaving particularly well on wednesday, i thanked him and a big smile spread across his face.

the kids all have planners that they must write homework and and also serve as hall passes. i'm thinking i'm going to start writing notes to the parents in them and requiring that they come back with a signature. the notes will be regarding particularly good and bad behavior. i need some kind of way to open communication with the (many) parents that didn't show up to open house.

back on the wagon

2004-09-08T16:56:00.000-07:00

i seem to have fallen off the blogger bandwagon. i need to resolve to update more regularly. i had a conversation with my mentor and the other intern/teacher this morning about The First Year. my mentor went through the same program i am in, 6 years ago. somebody told her once to journal that first year. to write down, every day, one thing that went well and one that didn't. i'm working up to that.

the long weekend has totally thrown me off. i had my first moments of "what the hell am i doing being a teacher???" on the way to work yesterday morning. well, it kind of started monday night. so, full blown panic attack later i arrived at school and felt at ease. and the day went pretty well. i was a little stressed about the impending Open House where i would meet the parents that showed up, but all in all an okay day.

cut to 6th period. my 8th graders that finish early. work was done and we were doing an impromptu spelling race on the board when the door opened. and for a split second nobody entered. and then in walked the 2 women in charge of my training program. they stopped in for an completely unannounced observation. i panicked and tried to think of something more, um, teacherly, and of course it sucked. while sat back and whispered. one of my kids, bless his heart, whispered to the student next to him "they're cops, dude". i just about laughed out loud. the left about 20 minutes in and my kids all commented on how uncomfortable it was. no kidding! the comment card they left wasn't too bad, considering, but whatever. it still sucked.

after school was over i headed upstairs to talk to the other intern/teacher and she had been visited as well, only she had had warning. (we had different observers because we are getting different certifications.) while i was up there we were commiserating about first year stuff and she was so kind as to share her knowledge of the unbelievably funny taylor mali. if you haven't heard of him go check his site out. the poems are much much funnier when you hear him read them aloud.

so this teaching thing is hard. seriously. but i think i like it and eventually i may even figure out what the hell i'm doing!

2004-09-01T18:01:00.000-07:00

i attended conflict mediation training today and was blown away. it wasn't necessarily that exciting but it made me realize that this is a definite path i would like to take in my career. i've had this suspicion and through my experience in therapy and with people i know in this field it has just always been something that has a huge interest level for me.

this of course means i had my first ever sub in my classroom. according to my paraprofessional he was hardcore and made my 3rd period class really sit up and take notice. great. the sub was better at classroom management than me? fab. u. lous.

i really am at a loss. i find myself yelling a lot more than i want to. tomorrow i start passing out detention hall slips. they just talk so fucking much and i can't take it anymore. do they do this in their other classes? maybe some but surely not all. it is mostly the boys that play football so their detention will take place before school when they would normally be practicing. got to get them where they'll take notice.

is their some surefire trick that makes kids listen to you? with my 8th graders i've been a bit more, um, approachable because they are respectful of me as their teacher. with the 7th graders i know a lot of it is their age but still. sometimes the thought of that class and my lack of control over it makes me want to cry. and scream. and yell very mean things at them.

monday

2004-08-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

last week i started the writing workshops and i am thrilled (for the most part) by the results. the runningback of our football team is writing a rap about beating out rival jr hi team. i love it. i think the prinicipal almost passed out when he heard this kid was excited about writing something. and now i really want to look into the writing exercise using favorite songs as reported in this post by hipteacher. but i need to wrap up the whole idea of the writing process in these next 2 weeks. i actually had kids asking to write today, unfortunately for them we are only doing the writing workshop 2 days a week.

i have a sub on wednesday because i have some training to go to (i've been elected to be on the conflict mediation team) so i have to get the subfolder together. i don't know how detailed i need to get on that.

i got very pissed off at some of my 8th graders today. they are the group that always finishes early even if they don't work very hard (their grades are starting to reflect it) and they got super rowdy after i trusted them with free time so we spent the last 10 minutes of class sitting in silence at our desks. this is a weird week schedule-wise due to school-wide benchmark testing but detention halls are about to be introduced to more than a couple of my kids. this classroom management thing is hard.

i bought the reading teacher's book of lists and the essential 55 this weekend. the first one is awesome and i have already used its list of demon spelling words. i printed my first spelling list this morning on the library printer and got an email from another LA teacher thanking me for using "maybe" as a spelling word. that felt kind of nice, but to me it onl makes sense to have them learn words they will actually use. i really like the essential 55 but i don't know how to start incrporating the rules into my classroom. but sweet lord do my kids need them. i'm wondering if the workbook that accompanies it would be worth it.

alrighty, off to a much needed dinner with a friend.

2004-08-26T18:26:00.000-07:00

a student from my school was very tragically killed this morning. i didn't know him but a lot of my kids did and i wonder how on earth they are coping with it. there have been grief counselors on campus since this morning and they will remain tomorrow and possibly into early next week. i won't disclose the details but the incident is one that leaves me stunned. and saddened. it is a tragedy that still feels surreal to me but i'm sure i'll be talking to my classes about it tomorrow.

drive-by commentary

2004-08-24T18:59:00.000-07:00

i am exhausted so i'll be brief here. i think i suck at teaching. i'm not organized enough. not one day have i planned enough to fill up a class. that just plain sucks. i have one group that doesn't talk. another group that won't shut up. and another that has bought the line that they are stupid so they don't try to do anything but get away with murder. i swear i will have them reading and writing by the end of the year. or i'll die trying. it's a deadheat right now.

thursday we start the writing workshops. it's what i have been banking my plans on and i will make it work dammit! there may be some trial and error but i am convinced. tomorrow is fun with homonyms! good times. i have a fun project that involves drawing tomorrow. i really hope it works.

i suck at class management. most of my guys are football players so the coach got an email this afternoon. which means either today or tomorrow = lots of running. that's right. all of us teachers work together to keep those little darlings in line.

this is a lot more negative than i want it to be but the truth isn't always pretty. i promise when i have more time i will talk about the kids that i love. some of them are even the aforementioned running football payers! in the meantime, i am worn out from work and then my own kid's open house where i got to meet that teacher. 'tis bedtime.

2004-08-21T06:13:00.000-07:00

well, i survived the first week but now i am really starting to freak out. last week seemed really easy because i was doing placement tests all week. now i actually have to, you know, teach them something. and you could say that i am more than a little freaked out at how low some of these kids' reading and writing abilities are. more freaked out about the reading part i think. i took an early literacy class this summer but it was so geared towards early childhood - 4th grade that i feel like maybe it would be insulting to my kids.

i don't even know where to begin? and then there are those with pretty high skills so will i hold them back while helping the lower kids? is this where group work comes in? i m stumped and freaking out.

2004-08-18T17:31:00.000-07:00

today was good. my first period got knocked down to 2 kids and one didn't show due to schedule confusion so i got to work a lot with the one that was there. the one that wasn't there is one that i am going to have little patience for i think. i don't know why, there is just something about this kid that bugs me.

my large class of 16 went pretty well altho i think those are going to be my discipline problems. they are young but they need to learn how to settle down. it's especially hard during this week of assessments because while i am busy with one the others are harder to reign in. usually i'll have an aide for that class but she was in the library helping with id cards today. and tomorrow. joy.

my 8th graders. i love them. one of them blew me away with his reading levels (9th grade) and i wondered why the hell he was in my class (his writing quickly explained it). but both of those classes are small so i think i'll get some good wok done with them. quite a few football players in those 2 classes so i'm thinking about tackling some project involving Friday Night Lights which i read in high school and appears to be in the process of being made into a movie . while the reading levels may be high i think they will totally dig it and i think we can make it work. if anything to inspire their own writing.

one of my 8th graders got pulled out into regular LA and i really think he should have stayed but it isn't my decision.

my last period class is the heartbreaker. these are the kids that are selfcontained pretty much the entire day. one leaves the room for math and he and another one go to regular ed PE but other than that they come to me at the end of the day and that's it. there is one boy in particular that has won my heart completely. and i know and his mom knows that there is so much more that he can do but i think this age and hormone thing may be throwing him for a loop. i'm waiting to get a certain reading program installed on our computers and until then i am able to very little to him. not to mention i haven't seen his IEP at all since he just moved into the district so yeah. in the meantime i feel like i am failing him completely.

this is heartbreaking mindblowing wonderful work that i have stumbled into.

one down

2004-08-17T18:31:00.000-07:00

i'm already in falling in love with some of my students. the very angry little boy who has bounced around foster homes but still cares about school. the girl with the heavy eyeliner in all black that is clearly scared shitless of failing at something again. and the boy trapped in his own body and all he can do is grunt and bite and scribble hard on the paper. occupational hazard i guess, loving the kids.

and just when one pisses you off you learn that he wasn't like that before his brain injury. and you realize how lucky you are. and how awesome all of these kids are. and that is enough to make me go back for day 2 even though i am still waiting for someone to come in midclass and tell me it's a joke, they aren't really trusting me with these young minds.

most of this week is going to be testing. there is some one on one testing so i am having some better opportunites to get to know them and really the behavior is soooooo much better than i had feared.

right now i am scouring the web for poems to introduce them to on monday. as someone who avoided poetry all through school i now see its value. short. real. for some reason langston hughes "theme for english B" is popping into my head every time i think about it but i am biased. i love him.

*the above was x-posted to my private journal
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

we are doing placement tests the rest of this week and while the kids aren't thrilled they are doing it with surprisingly little protest. i suppose they really do see me as a authrity figure. freaky.

i do have a writing prompt for when they enter class tomorrow so they can settle down and i can take attendance but then back to testing it is. it kind of sucks but it is what it is. just more pressure to put more real learning in among the testing i suppose.

the intersting thing about being done with the first day is now i have the second day and the third and the fourth and and and.

wow

tomorrow's a day away.

2004-08-16T15:59:00.000-07:00

i have my tentative class lists and suffice it to say tomorrow will be an interesting day. the numbers are blowing my mind.

period 1: 3 kids
period 2: conference
period 3: 15 kids (!!!)
period 4: 8 kids
period 5: 8 kids (advisory)
period 6: 6 kids
period 7: 4 kids

which one of these is not like the other i ask you. 15 seventh graders no less. thank gawd my para will be in there and not with the other resource teacher. i would sink.

tomorrow should be rather hectic because the kids will go to their advisors first to get lockers, agenda planners, have their schedules checked for errors, etc and then on with the regular day. i'll be doing placement tests starting wednesday so my week is relatively easy to plan. testing that group of 15 is going to take forever though.

families could come up this afternoon and get schedules so i stuck around for a wee bit and ended up meeting about 4 kids. they all seemed pretty nice but we'll see once their around a bunch of other kids and the parents aren't there. heh.

my plan for tomorrow is to go over rules and then with the left over time i have index cards where they will all write some facts about themselves: birthday, nickname if they have one, favorite band, favorite movie, favorite hobby, etc. this way i get to know them and have something to go on when we start talking about writing workshops and things they can write about. their "territories" as one of my colleagues calls it.

if that happens and we have time left we'll do some sharing so they can get to know eachother. i gotta say though, i sure am glad i have the 3 first and not the 15.

here we are!

2004-08-16T04:51:00.000-07:00

today is the last workday and tomorrow the kids are here! crap. i feel very unprepared as i slacked off a lot this weekend. actually i didn't slack off, i had a birthday party for my child and wrapped up the movie i was in. but in the school sense i slacked off. i haven't a clue what i am going to do tomorrow. first period will be short because our advisory kids are going to come to us first so we can check for appropriate schedules and then we send them on their way and then . then i have my conference period (thank god) and then 3 classes back to back. oy.

this morning we have a staff meeting and then i'll finish setting up my room and getting more paperwork out of the way and at about 4 the kids can come get their schedules and meet any teachers that are still there. i'm sure i'll be one of them.

so close

2004-08-13T20:03:00.000-07:00

i told a friend today that it really doesn't matter if i'm ready or not, tuesday will come on tuesday and i'll have to go with the flow. saying it actually gave me a sense of peace. a feeling i'm sure will disappear on tuesday morning but it will get me through for now.

my room is nearly done. i have to decorate one bulletin board inside and one very large one in the outside hall and other than that it's all about organizing the different supplies and setting up the writing prompt area.

i am going to focus on writing workshops 2-3 days per week. i truly believe in this method and there is another LA teacher that did his masters on it so i know i have someone to go to and bounce ideas off of. i actually gave him a great idea today and the special ed dept. chair loved it as well. i learned it in a workshop and i loved the idea. once my kids start producing pieces we will vote, as a class, and decide which ones get to go to the next level. basically they will be barcoded in the library and available for checkout. anyone who checks out the book will be asked to give positive feedback of some sort on a back page. the librarian was worried about the regular ed kids reading the pieces and making fun of the level they are written at. but really i think that if they aren't doing it who are they to mock? an idealist, i know. but i dream big.

tonight our principal had a party at his house and i got to hang out with the other staff that i haven't met yet, and obviously some that i have. it was interesting to see who got drunk and which teachers that are usually so aloof turned into giggly drunks. but there are definitely the cliques just like there were when i was in school. some things never change i guess.

so i'm totally freaked out but still excited. i need to decide on some "get to know eachother" activities and then i'll just teach the procedures. so i need to put those specifics down on paper for myself.

wow. 4 days. freaky

closer and closer

2004-08-11T20:22:00.000-07:00

today was a day filled with meetings with the district-wide special ed department. we heard pep talks, watched a small clip about ron clark and i must i teared up a bit. but i'm a sucker for all things inspirational, i swear. it's actually kind of embarrassing. i am intrigued though and really really want to get his books. if i ever get paid that is.

the teacher for the self-contained unit for the lowest functioning kids on the campus puled me out of the meeting for awhile. as i believe i have mentioned, those kids are going to come to my room for one period for language arts. well, the highest functioning of the kids, who also happens to be new to the campus, was visiting today with parent and sibling. parent wanted to meet me so there i was. meeting my first students! it was very insightful because i learned which reading program the student is used to and the progression of the student since elementary. i also found out what the 2 great loves of the student are so i can hopefully use those 2 things to inspire learning.

i spent the end of the day with my aide doing some room decorating. my computer is not up but one of the 3 student computers will connect so i'm going to have to make do i suppose. it is very frustrating though because i need to do some printing and my home computer can't and i was counting on doing it at school.

crunchtime is upon us so i need to hammer out my lesson plan for *gasp* next week. this includes making rules and "get to know eachother" activities. i'll blog about first day activity ideas soon.

more pieces to the puzzle

2004-08-10T18:56:00.000-07:00

i just received an email from the principal about a friday evening staff development meeting at his house. after putting in a full week i am left a bit perplexed. what is the etiquette for a single mother here? i feel like i really need to go, especially being new, but i miss my child dammit! i was about to ask him if i could cut out early on friday to go to the child's "meet the teacher" day so a part of me thinks that if i am going to go friday evening i should be able to convince him to let me leave early during the day. friday is going to be a "workday" anyway, a brief morning meeting and then we are let loose to our classrooms. ugh. i think i underestimated how hard this was going to be on the whole parenting gig.

today did leave me feeling a lot better though. i got copies of my kids' IEPs and we are working on linking them up in a way that i can teach one unit and address multiple goals and objectives. we are also working on our scope and sequences as a department so i am getting a lot of help.

most of the day i am teaching my language arts resource kids but for one of those periods the self-contained unit, i have 2 nonverbal kids, one with down's syndrome and another whose diagnosis i don't know and IEP i have yet to receive. i met with their regular teacher and he was very helpful and basically handed me the scope and sequence for that class which saves me a lot of time. thank god. and i can keep the scope and sequence the same for 7th and 8th since there is a lot of similarity in the functioning levels there.

another aspect of my job is advisory. for one shortened period of the day i have approximately 16 kids. i believe all of them will be kids i have for an LA class. the special ed department is going to be working on study skills for these kids and we are trying to get the other teachers on boards. these kids that i am "mentoring" are my responsibility as far as making sure that they are getting things taken care of in their other classes. so their other teachers have to email me their lesson plans every week and i have to make sure that any modifications they are supposed to get are happening. those are also the ARD (Admission, Review, Dismissal - IEP meetings outside of Texas) Meetings i have to attend. good times.

so we're moving along. tomorrow i need to talk to my mentor about the friday issue but other than that i think things are unfolding well enough, if not a bit fast paced.

wow.

2004-08-09T18:09:00.000-07:00

i am so overwhelmed it is hard to even think. after the rah-rah district breakfast and teaching awards, obligatory speeches by superintendent and school board members, and of course the almighty head football coach speech we headed back to our respective campuses for a full day of staff meeting. to be perfectly honest most of it is a blur of teacher handbooks and another discussion of payroll and benefits. i think all of the real revelations happened at breaks and after the meeting.

my computer is not networked. as my department chair, who also turned out to be my mentor (thank god) put it, we are the redheaded step-children. the next 3 days consist of department meetings so i am hoping for more answers there. hoping being the keyword. i know that we use the six + one trait writing model but i don't really have any direction on the reading curriculum. other than, of course, that the scores were down last year for the whole school. great. writing, no problem. reading, no clue. my 7th graders have to take a high-stakes writing test this year, it will be the SDAA for most of my kids instead of the TAKS but it is highstakes nonetheless due to their grade level.

speaking of my 7th graders. i was approached today by the resource teacher for the intermediate school that feeds into us. oy. she told me that we must talk. it should be a priority for me. which of course scared the crap out of me. i'm imganing all kinds of discipline issues since this is the main thing i have nightmares about. when i found the math resource teacher for my campus later in the day she had been approached as well. apparently she was referring to their skill level and not their behavior. phew. honestly, i don't really doubt my ability to teach the kdis once i know what i am teaching them. i mentioned these interactions with my dep't chair who kind of rolled her eyes and made the point that we are a secondary school now. the teacher that approached me is elementary and in her experience they have a hard time letting go. so grain of salt and all that.

after work i made a trip to the local teacher store where i got some posters for the bulletin board i have in the hall and for some writing process and 6 + 1 stuff. now i'm home and exhausted.

2004-08-09T04:40:00.000-07:00

gearing up for the all-district staff breakfast at the high school. everyone will be there, new and returning. i'm less nervous than i thought i would be, and i got a really good night's sleep thankfully. i've had my coffee, i organized all the stuff i need to take up to my classroom before going to bed last night so now i just need to get dressed. good times.

is it starting already?

2004-08-08T20:41:00.000-07:00

tomorrow morning is the first day of staff development for the entire staff. last week was simply for the new hires, tomorrow i meet the people that i am convinced will find me to be a fraud. very intimidating but hopefully questions will be answered. maybe?

i just read the entire staff handbook. i never really thought people did that yet here i am. ugh. i got some work on my classroom done today - decorated bulletin boards for showcasing kids' work, arranged my desk, para's desk and kid's desks, designated resource center in the room.

tonight i went to wal-mart and loaded up on assignment bins, pen/pencil buckets and various other room supplies. tomorrow night i need to write interest surveys for the first day, letters to parent, and start planning the first week.

tonight i had my monthly "girls' night out" and it was much needed. one of the regulars, an old college friend is a former teacher that hated it, another one is her sister-in-law who is a second year teacher, she went through the same program that i did, and she is loving it. so i know it is a crapshoot. and in my heart i feel like this is something i can and will excel out, this is just the first major hurdle.

i'll feel better once my mentor gets assigned to me and i have someone i can go to for help. i'll feel much better.

2004-08-07T18:32:00.000-07:00

my world was shaken today. i had a workshop given by 2 special ed teachers today, topic - languge arts and it was all about the writing workshop. this is it. i feel like i have been given this secret to having the successful classroom but it feels so easy. and of course it won't be and their will be the unforeseen struggles but i am still incredibly psyched.

i love to write. if i am not having words come from my fingertips on a regular basis i seem to shrink. it can honestly be the most inconsequential drivel coming out but as long as i am producing a piece of writing i am happy. it comes easy to me. i know it is not so easy for everyone else, especially, and most importantly, my students. i have been hoping to find a way that i can consistently and effectively have them write and grow as writers.

it seems painfully obvious that having writing workshops is the way to make it happen. i think all this time i have been searching for the magical answer that surely was much harder than the obvious. not so. this time it appears to be the obvious answer.

i am starting to anticipate the first day with excitement and trepidation. after the first couple of days i think i'll be alright but it is that first impression that worries me. will they see right through me and know that this is my first day in front of a classroom? or will they think i am just another teacher? i am agonizing over the little details of what to wear and how to greet them because the micromanaging gives me a feeling of control. but really, i look back to all of my first days in junior high and high school and i was as scared then as i am now. if not more.

i want to be a real person to them. approachable. someone they respect and that they know respects them. it seems like a fine line between that and a pushover. can i successfully walk that line?

breaking down the walls.

2004-08-06T16:15:00.000-07:00

my night class is over so now i get to concentrate on teaching and my personal life. good times. i have been workshopping all week and while most of it has been mindnumbingly boring i have become better acquainted with some of my fellow teachers. there are 9 of us new to my particular campus and thankfully i have clicked with more of them. all but one really, but i can easily deal with the last one so i'm not terribly worried.

word on the street is that my principal is excellent at backing up his teachers and he is a big proponent of teamwork. thank god. my sense is that this is a very closeknit community and i foresee pros and cons to that. it seems to be fairly conservative, politically that is, and there is a high population of military folks which could be tricky. let's just say i'm looking forward to working with kids first and foremost.

since i've yet to get any actual files or classlists i am mostly working on planning activities. i have audio CDs that go with the 7th and 8th grade texts so there is a way i can present some of the same materials as their peers in the regular LA classes. what i really want to do as an overall goal is to have lessons and subjects spill over into others. i also want to show my kids that reading and writing can be a fun thing, regardless of what level you are doing it at.

i've been furiously jotting down ideas for creative writing, journalling, and spelling activities on any available scrap of paper. i was told by a classmate that one of my strengths in the classroom will be my creativity. i seem to have a knack for coming at one subject from many different perspectives. the idea that people learn through different methods is so clear to me and has been for a long time, and i tie that in with the fact that certain "kinds" of people seem to excel while other "kinds" don't. my question is, why can't all kinds of people excel?

i know the answer is that they can. with a whole lot of work they can, but why can't it be less work? less resistance? less abnormal?

i'm rambling, i finally have space for my mind to roam. i'm free, for now, of the walls of workshopping. i suppose i need to schedule blogging time in to my daily schedule, file it under work time.

prep: day one

2004-08-03T15:15:00.000-07:00

the morning was a blur of payroll and insurance information. enough to make my head spin, especially at 8 in the morning. i need to schedule a meeting with my 2 insurance and accountant friends to ask some questions so i sign up for the right thing. ugh. headaches.

in the afternoon we met at our respective campuses to go over the handbooks and talk about some basic stuff, meet the custodians and counselors, etc. i've had my classroom key for a week but have had little time to go do much work. the computer in my room has yet to be completely set up and today i went through my cabinets. set aside all math texts for the math resource teacher (last year there was one teacher for the 2 positions) and tried to figure out what i actually have in the room, what i need to order or look for, etc.

i still have yet to see any IEPs but i know the reading and writing levels fall in the 3rd to 6th grade range. as much as possible i want my kids to be reading what the other 7th and 8th graders are reading. i really really want to incorporate journals into the classroom in a big way. if anything, to stress to my kids that writing can serve a real world purpose that still has enjoyment associated with it.

i discovered a packet of the Specific Skills Series which was recently recommended to me. level F was in my room and i am hoping i can find a good way to incorporate it into my class. the closer i get it seems at once more manageable and completely overwhelming. and i have found it is very easy to let my personal life fall by the wayside, not a good thing when you have children, let me tell you (or maybe i don't have to)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a question for the readers:

it was recommended by my prinicipal that i join a professional organization, if not more than one. i know there are a bunch out there, i am wondering if you have any advice/recommendations/websites i should look into or avoid?

stylistic choices.

2004-08-02T07:30:00.000-07:00

i'm a bit at a loss for topics as i wait for inservice to start (tomorrow) and i feel like there is little i can do right now, so i'm going to answer a question posed in comments earlier today about my "stylistic shoice of capitalization". if you've noticed (which i certainly would have had it not been me doing the writing) i tend to not capitalize unless i am quoting or referring to a specific thing which is typically capitalized.

i like to get things written and out there for public consumption. i am impatient at times. in this somewhat informal writing setting i don't worry so much about capitalizing the beginnings of sentences and all of that because this is me talking. conversationally i drift to the more informal and this is how i do it. or at least, this is how i justify it all in my head. i know that this drives some people crazy, the "english teacher types", of which i sort of fall into the category of, who want to correct me and remind me of the proper technique. but to them i say that here i am taking control of my writing. it isn't accidental that i don't properly capitalize.

so i hope that answers the question in a satisfactory way. i'm in desperate need of coffee at the moment.

the setup

2004-07-31T12:30:00.000-07:00

i was talking to my mother last night about setting up my classroom. i have a bunch of freestandng desks and one round table. i had initially thought that the round table would be used during group work activities but with only one that is going to be awkward so i'm leaning more in the direction of using it for display purposes.

there are bulletin boards on either side of the main dry erase board so i'll be using one for the 7th graders to show off their work and one for the 8th graders, easy decision. half of the other dry erase board is blocked by the computer desks so i can put things like class rules, etc up there. or maybe computer-specific information.

as for seating arrangements, i am trying to avoid the typical rows. i would like to set it up as more of a conference area. i can address them all from a relatively equal distance, and nobody will be hiding behind anyone else. the seats will be assigned but with group work and whatnot they won't be relegated to those spots for the entire year.

now i suppose i just need to figure out what i'm going to teach these kids.

classroom management

2004-07-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

as part of my first-year portfolio, i have to read Marzano's "The Key to Classroom Management" and reflect, summarize, etc.

the key issues are dominance, cooperation, and awareness of student needs. i balk at the word dominance but i do like the way it is handled in this article. as much as i want these kids to look to me as an ally i think this differs greatly from being their friend. i worry a little bit about blurring that line too much. this is the part of the classroom management puzzle i think i will have the most difficulty in. i need to start setting my rules and expectations now so that i can focus in on them the first day in class.

respect is going to be the overriding theme i will promote, and it is a big theme on the entire campus so i feel secure in that. as long as these kids respect me as their teacher i will respect them as students and as people. they are just as capable as all of the kids in the regular classrooms and i know that they are not always made to feel this way.

one piece of advice i was given by a teacher in the last 2 weeks or so was to never "take them on" so to speak, in front of their peers because that is the situation in which they have a lot to lose. if we need to talk i can do it in the hallway or after class. something to consider.

"Giving students the opportunity to set their own objectives at the beginning of a unit or asking students what they would like to learn conveys a sense of cooperation."
this is a huge part of philosophy right here. much like in the technology area, i think this empowers the students and in some ways forces them to take responsibility for their education. this is where i come in as an ally and not the totalitarian teacher. i have the, in my opinion, great fortune to be working with the kids that have been sent to my class because they are having problems in reading and writing. there is not one clear set of problems, each child comes to the table with his or her own strengths and weaknesses.

on that note, the third issues: awareness of high needs students, is why i am in the classroom. i have the at least somewhat high needs students. none of them are going to have the exact same set of disabilities, diagnoses, or educational goals. this is where i learn to adapt and modify and think on my feet. this is the challenge. this is why i chose special education - these kids need the strongest allies. they need to have high expectations of themselves and i hope to give them just that, the ability to dream and reach for the stars, whatever they are.

technology

2004-07-31T06:49:00.000-07:00

level one technology training was held yesterday and i left with my head spinning. so very much to learn but all great information. i am so thrilled about the technology i have af my fingertips. 3 brand new XP machines for the kids and one for me. all running on a schoolwide network.

let's talk communication. we are using First Class as our Communication and Collaboration Platform. i have a client on my home computer so i can communicate via email or chat with anyone in my district. bookmarks, calendars, directories, oh my! i can't explain all of the options it has so you'll have to check it out. and the vision is for the students to eventually have accounts so that the district will become virtually paperless. it gives me goosebumps!!

now for grading. the headaches, the number crunching. not here. (i think i'm beginning to sound like an infomercial) . but i seriously recommend any teachers out there that haven't heard of it to look at Gradespeed.net. if just for the saving trees factor, it ones again gives me goosebumps. i won't get into how much the math-hating part of me loves it.

but the greatest greatest greatest part of having the grading system online is the parent involvement and student accountability it has encouraged. the campus i'll be at was the pilot campus for the program. the prinicipal is in the process of going back over the numbers to figure out how much the increase in completed assignments and student accountability really was. students that are home for whatever reason can log on through their account, look at my webpage and get the assignments. they and their parents can log on and check out grades as often as i update them. i can leave comments on a weekly or daily basis about anything i think the parent or student needs to know. more goosebumps.

89% of the students on my campus have internet connections at home. this is a very large number and one that i am sure the administrators use to justify their move into technology. but i wonder how much they consider those other11% without it. the skeptic returns. this is something i need to evaluate on the first day of class. see what resources are available in the community and go from there. this being a rather small district i know that the public library is accessible to most but not something to take for granted.

who , what, and why

2004-07-30T19:02:00.000-07:00

i am beginning my teaching career in less than a week. it is an overwhelming endeavor but one i have felt compelled to take on for quite a while. i get asked often how i chose special education and all i can say is that it was the only thing that made sense to me. these are the children that need a strong advocate. these are the children that need to know that they are as important and as capable as everyone else. a recurrent theme in my life i suppose.

my first assignment, offically beginning in almost 3 weeks is a resource language arts room for 7th and 8th graders. junior high school. ahh, i remember it well and wish to god that i didn't. i don't consider this an easy time in anyone's life and to be labelled special ed is one more thing to contend with. my strongest subject area without a doubt is the english language so i feel blessed with this assignment and this seemingly supportive and enthusiastic administration and staff that i have found myself surrounded by.

i was told the other night that teaching was something that i would "love hate". as obscure as that may sound i have a feeling that seasoned teacher was dead-on. but i look forward to it nonetheless.