heart break by the pound

i survived state testing and so did my students. last week was a trying week, to say the least. but who has time to focus on the past when the present comes and smacks you in the face?

i want to talk about particular students right now. please know that potentially identifying details are changed in many ways. right. so, i have a student who we will call S. S has had some issues, last semester S spent time at the alternative campus but was back in time for mid-semester finals. since the winter break, S has been doing alright. until 2 weeks ago. S started bullying and being generally disruptive. he is combative. last week 2 teachers and myself had conversations with S' parents in which we found out that S was a) off his meds and b) had never been diagnosed with anything in the first place. it seems that last year a teacher suggested he might needs meds and based on this suggestions the doctor wrote a prescription. yeah. fabulous.

fast forward to today. i had S and a few other students go to the library to copy some essays on appropriate behavior because they have been absolute nightmares. i thought i could trust 4 students to walk around the corner in the hall to the library. i was wrong. S got in a fight with I. from what i can gather, according to witnessing students and the teacher that saw it go down, S was getting in I's face. I walked away (good boy!) only to be shoved in the back by S. so at that point I turned around and kicked S, and the teacher broke it up and hauled them to the office.

so the district has a zero tolerance policy on violence which i totally agree with. both kids are suspended for 3 days. maybe i shouldn't have a problem with this but i do. S sat in the office and cried and talked about how he didn't do anything and they were joking around. yes well, forgive me for believing the 2 student witnesses and the teacher witness. I got sick of putting up with S' shit and he fought back. it's hard for me to have zero sympathy.

i was I before his mom came to pick him up. i asked what happened and he told me the same story everyone else had. i reminded him of talks we've had about walking away. the thing is, he walked away and he got shoved full force in the back. to the ground. so he stopped walking away and fought back. all i could do was tell him that at that point he runs away. it doesn't make him look scared, it makes him looks smart. and he broke my heart as he looked at the stack of official papers in his hands and quitly nodded.

there are times that i want to wrap my students up in big bear hugs like i would my own offspring. and i know i can't. and i silently pray that someone at home is doing that for them.