tests and failures of the system

today was Big Bad Test Day for my 7th graders in writing. i probably should have been more nervous than i was, what with all the noise coming up about merit-based pay. all in all i like to think my kids did okay. i had the biggest chunk of them in my room and they didn't seem to be getting too frustrated. the hardest part was asking a bunch of 7th graders, most of them diagnosed ADHD, to sit in a room for 3 hours and not talk. hellish.

this saturday i take the second (and final) test to get my actual certificate. i'm pretty nervous about this one, since i missed the practice test by 3 questions, i hate being that close to the line on this stuff. i don't expect to necessarily ace it, but having some room between my score and the minimum passing would be nice.

i have some other deadlines coming up, like my portfolio presentation, and tests in my college course, but those will all work themselves out. i keep telling myself, 2 weeks until spring break. it seems unreal that i'm already this far into my first year of teaching. i'm not in that scary, drowning survival mode that i spent the entire first semester in.

i may become involved in a lawsuit soon. indirectly of course, but my documentation was requested by the attorney of a former colleague. it is a nightmare in which a student's mental health is the ultimate victim. i just don't understand how teachers can be so thoughtless and downright cruel. and before you remind me that teachers are only human, i already know that. remember? i'm a teacher and quite human, but there is a certain level of behavior that you maintain, at the very least at school. fucking a student over (excuse my language), whether it is physically or emotionally, is inexcusable.

i probably shouldn't say more about this in such a public forum, but i am very angry. people can reallu suck sometimes.