let's talk about S-E-X

junior high kids think and talk about sex. as much as people would like to deny it, many of them actually HAVE sex. it is a fact of life. i can do all of the hemming and hawing i want to about how much more innocent my generation was then this one in this aspect. it wouldn't be entirely true. i am of the age that junior high is a not-so-distant memory. i also know that i was particularly naive in junior high. sex was not something at the forefront of my mind. i would be lying, though, if i said that was the case for all kids my age at that time. i knew kids were having sex around me, but having skipped first grade, and being a bit behind on the developmental curve, i wasn't there yet.

i have vague memories of what passed as sex education back then. i think the health classes were split according to gender and we were vaguely told about sex and why we shouldn't do it. i should add the disclaimer that i went to private school, so my contemporaries in public school may have had a very different experience.

at home, the discussion of sex didn't really happen beyond, "have you? well, don't." with both parents, this pseudo-conversation happened after i had already "taken the plunge" and i was in high school. in talking to peers now and from back then, their experiences weren't much different. the talks that did happen were minimal. now that i am a parent, albeit hopefully a ways off from that conversation, i understand the reluctance to talk about it. i don't want to have to face the inevitable questions about how old i was when i started and how that compares to what i tell my offspring.

there is a frightening thing going on in our public schools today called "abstinence-only education". the idea being, i suppose, that if you don't talk about sex and condoms, kids won't be tempted. hah! have the people writing this curriculum not turned on the radio or tv lately? sex is out there in full force.

the state curriculum where i am teaching and raising a child states the following in relation to teaching 7th and 8th graders about sexual activity:

(D)  identify information relating to abstinence;


(E)  analyze the importance of abstinence from sexual activity as the preferred choice of behavior in relationship to all sexual activity for unmarried persons of school age;


(F)  discuss abstinence from sexual activity as the only method that is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, and the sexual transmission of HIV or acquired immune deficiency syndrome, and the emotional trauma associated with adolescent sexual activity;

that's it. i want to know where the people writing and implementing this curriculum were when they were in junior high that they think this is a realistic thing to teach and expect to work. i spend my days teaching kids that as long as the girl is on the pill you are safe. because appraently pregnancy is the only thing that could possibly happen to them. what is equally devastating, is that i have peers today that follow this line of thinking.

i certainly do not believe that anybody should be promoting sexual activity in the age group i am teaching. but i'm realistic and i'm there and i know that whatever we teach them, sex is happening. it is negligent and criminal to not prepare kids for reality. condoms are good things. protecting ourselves against sexually transmitted diseases is a GOOD. THING. teaching young men and women about their bodies, what they are capable of, what they need to stay healthy, this is all a GOOD. THING.

here is something to chew on:

The U.S. has the highest rate of teen pregnancy in the developed world, and American adolescents are contracting HIV faster than almost any other demographic group. The teen pregnancy rate in the U.S. is at least twice that in Canada, England, France, and Sweden, and 10 times that in the Netherlands. Experts cite restrictions on teens' access to comprehensive sexuality education, contraception, and condoms in the U.S., along with the widespread American attitude that a healthy adolescence should exclude sex. By contrast, the "European approach to teenage sexual activity, expressed in the form of widespread provision of confidential and accessible contraceptive services to adolescents, is . . . a central factor in explaining the more rapid declines in teenage childbearing in northern and western European countries" (Singh & Darroch, 2000). California, the only state that has not accepted federal abstinence-only money, has seen declines in teenage pregnancy similar to those seen in European countries. Over the last decade, the teenage pregnancy rate in California has dropped more than 40 percent ("California reduces...," 2004).

more here

teen pregnancy is a very real issue. one that has greatly impacted my own life in a variety of ways. some of the most amazing people i know have been teen parents. i can't think of one that would argue in favor of teaching only abstinence. we live in a society that uses sex as one of the ultimate tools. turn on any media outlet and there is a sexual message, more often than not, using an adolescent or young adult as the billboard for whatever message they are pushing. britney spears in a school girl uniform. the girls of the o.c. experimenting with other girls of the o.c. lindsey lohan and the olsen twins looking young and sultry at every turn. how are teens expected to avoid sex if they are to look at the world around them? what is the message here? "we will use your sexual identities to sell our product, but don't you dare explore it yourself!" who are we trying to fool?

i know i'm starting to come across as in love with my own voice on this subject. it matters to me. my students are having sex and they aren't equipped to deal with it. if i tell them the things i think they need to know to survive i could lose my job.